^ How beautiful do you look, aww baby gaga (:
Dear Lady Gaga,
So i've not posted for a few days because i'm finally back at college and to be honest it's taken a lot out of me. So much work to catch up on + stuff. Urgh it's amazing that i have like no motivation or concentration at the moment. So yeah everything is peachy hehe. Actually if i'm honest it seems like apart from going back to college nothing has really changed lately, things still seem pretty much stuck :|
I have a dietitian appointment tomorrow. That should be fun because the last time i saw her was like last July things have certainly changed since then. I'm kinda nervous about tomorrow well not nervous about actually going to the hospital and making up my new meal plan :| but i'm nervous for what's going to happen when i get home. This is like a big deal because my parents + Jen my therapist sat down the other week for three and a half hours discussing my disorder and how they can try and get me better. The plan is pretty much the same but i am going to be watched like 24/7 and i know it is going to be on of the hardest things i have ever had to do. I'm not sure it's going to go very well because at the moment i don't think i'm in that place, i really don't think i can cope with increasing my diet i mean i can hardly keep drinks down these days. So i'm worried that i'm not going to be able to do it. But i know, i know i have to try my best and i will but i just don't want people to get mad at me. I hate that this stupid disorder causes so much confrontation and so many arguments, i hate being mad with my family but the eating disorder part of my brain tells me i don't need them that all i need is to be skinny. It's driving me crazy, i mean if i even think about eating and not puriging it's like somebody is sticking their nails into my head and squeezing really hard, it's horrible because i'm not talking about the average person's nails i'm talking your long ass new york nails. Ahaa listening to You & I right now it reminded me of the Monster Ball. Aw that's cheered me up you always cheer me up Gaga you're flipping amazing.
Expect a rant tomorrow because i probably will not be happy with the amount of food i'm going to have to eat but i know if i wanna beat this then i need to try and eat. I will just think "What would Gaga do?" i mean if you can beat it then so can i.. hopefully.
I LOVE YOU LADY GAGA
PAWS UP.
Amen Fashion †
♥
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