wish i could be strong without somebody there.

Dear Lady Gaga,

So, so, so nervous for my appointment at the hospital tomorrow :| because if i have lost weight i'm going to be hospitalized. I'm so scared because i'm still fighting with myself part of me thinks hospital will be the only thing that will stop me + make me realize that i actually need to eat. It's weird i know i need to eat but i just can't let myself + part of me thinks hospital is the only thing that will make me eat on a regular basis because i have been trying to do it this week, i really have but there is just something stopping me. All i want to do is starve, vomit + exercise yes i am aware how crazy that sounds but that is what my brain is telling me to do. But then there is the other side of my brain which i am starting to believe a little bit more that is absolutely petrified of being away from home + going into hospital i mean i won't be comfortable i don't want to be admitted to a psychiatric ward. Also i don't want to be admitted because treatment can last for up to 6 MONTHS, i would go crazy in there for 6 months but i swear it's not gonna happen because i know i've put on so much weight because i feel fat and disgusting. Oh + i don't want to go into hospital because i don't want to miss the Born This Way Ball, Grr... why did this have to happen to me Gaga :|

∇ Amen Fashion † 

♥