wish i could be strong without somebody there.

Dear Lady Gaga,

So, so, so nervous for my appointment at the hospital tomorrow :| because if i have lost weight i'm going to be hospitalized. I'm so scared because i'm still fighting with myself part of me thinks hospital will be the only thing that will stop me + make me realize that i actually need to eat. It's weird i know i need to eat but i just can't let myself + part of me thinks hospital is the only thing that will make me eat on a regular basis because i have been trying to do it this week, i really have but there is just something stopping me. All i want to do is starve, vomit + exercise yes i am aware how crazy that sounds but that is what my brain is telling me to do. But then there is the other side of my brain which i am starting to believe a little bit more that is absolutely petrified of being away from home + going into hospital i mean i won't be comfortable i don't want to be admitted to a psychiatric ward. Also i don't want to be admitted because treatment can last for up to 6 MONTHS, i would go crazy in there for 6 months but i swear it's not gonna happen because i know i've put on so much weight because i feel fat and disgusting. Oh + i don't want to go into hospital because i don't want to miss the Born This Way Ball, Grr... why did this have to happen to me Gaga :|

∇ Amen Fashion † 

♥

thankyou lady gaga.

It's because she's the most amazing person that shall ever live.

∇ Amen Fashion † 

♥

too many pretty pictures ♥

I spend faaaaar too much time on tumblr ;)

http://justaholyfoolxox.tumblr.com/

∇ Amen Fashion †
 ♥

i wish :]

Ahaa i found another one of these ;) 

∇ Amen Fashion † 

♥

as long as i'm your hooker

Okay i just wanted to dedicate a little post to one of my bestest friends in the whole wide world. Seriously she has been with me through pretty much everything. It sucks that we live so far apart, i wish i could see her ALL the time. I love this girl so much she is so much more than she gives herself credit for and even through her own struggles manages to put up with my craziness. So i just wanted to say thank-you my Government Hooker ;) 

∇ Amen Fashion † 

 ♥

SHOW ME YOUR TEETH.

∇ Amen Fashion † 

♥

had a bit of a clean up.

So it's a lazy Saturday afternoon just on blogger and tumblr while listening to Born This Way on shuffle & thought i would tidy my blog up a bit but i ended up totally redesigning it. Ahh i think it looks a lot better now, i actually love my Gaga blog :) 

∇ Amen Fashion † 

♥

HEAVY METAL LOVER . . . ♥

Omgomgomgomgomg... i heard a rumour from Electric Chapel on twitter that Heavy Metal Lover could be the next single from Born This Way. If that is true I will actually die because it is possibly like the second best song on the album after Electric Chapel, all the songs are amazing but Heavy Metal Lover & Electric Chapel have to be like my favorite. Omg if there is a video ahjfakshksasdjgsg yeah Gaga you have to release it now too excited. + If you don't i sound like a crazy person here but ahh well the song is incredible.

∇ Amen Fashion †

♥

when you're gone i'll still be bloody mary †

Dear Lady Gaga, 

You know i said last week was hell, yeah well now i'm in trouble. I had my therapy appointment on Wedesday, Jen my therapist weighed me and i had lost 2kg... in a week i was so shocked because i felt so huge and disgusting i was convinced i had put weight on. Now it's like my worst nightmare because i have to put on like 500g by my next appointment on Feb 1st or they are going to hospitalize me i am so scared i mean i really don't want to put weight on but i really don't want to go into hospital to i'm just so confused and have no idea what to do.  A big part of me still wants to carry on with the eating disorder and carry on losing weight because i can't stand to see the numbers on the scales increase. But then there is another part of me which when i listen to it is like why the hell are you doing this for? you're underweight for god sake just stop it but it's strange i just can't seem to listen to that side. However i am taking it a day at a time and trying to listen to the sensible side because i'm at that point now where i need to change or this stupid disease is gonna kill me and i'm not gonna let that happen because i wanna get better, meet you, become a recording artist and campaign and spread the message to help other people with eating disorders not have to go through the things i went through. Okay i am going to stop rambling now but i just needed to kinda get all that out... Oh and all i can say is THANK GOD FOR BORN THIS WAAAAAAAY! 

Paws up xox.

∇ Amen Fashion †

♥

lets see lady starlight and make out in the bleachers.

This picture has to be one of my favorite Gaga & Starlight pictures. It's incredible and can i just say how amazing does Gaga look she's just the best look at that body ;)

∇ Amen Fashion †

♥

oh there aint no other way.

My day off college today so yaaaaaaaaaay. Sat here listening to Born This Way and waiting for the stupid food police to come so i can eat my lunch. Totally pointless that they come to be honest but that's another story. Another example how this stupid illness has taken over my life people have to come round to my house to watch me eat, offer support and make sure i don't throw up. Fun times. Seriously it sucks but it's not as bad now they only come once a week :) but at one point they came everyday it was awful. So yeah if you think you have an eating disorder seek help before it takes over!! Anyways i decided to leave a quick post before lunchtime here ya go some more of my favorite pics of the most amazing lady in the wold.

& ohohoh i think i'll post some lady gaga & lady starlight pics later ;) 

 ∇ Amen Fashion †

♥

GAGA † MUGLER.

Dear Lady Gaga, 

I just want to thank-you for introducing me to MUGLER. Pardon my language but it's fucking out of this world. I mean it's so amazingly incredible not just the clothes & perfume but the whole production of his fashion shows are just like WOW. Also it's like you & MUGLER were destined to work together because you just totally fit together you, your music and sense of fashion pretty much sums up MUGLER for me.

I mean you totally rocked in the Mugler fashion show, i almost died when i saw it omg it was incredible. I really loved how Government Hooker and Born This Way were mixed together, it was awesome. Government Hooker was the perfect song for that show and you looked hot mother monster you're just perfect. 

& without out you i would never have found out about this amazing guy, he's beautiful and such a nice guy. When i saw him on the MUGLER fashion video i was like :O i want to marry him he's just mine. It also gave me inspiration to use his tattoo skull look if i ever became a recording artist i thought that would be so cool, so when you brought out the Born This Way video i was in heaven you looked so stunning it was amazing.. I will probably post about that another time, because that video is so incredibly amazing it deserves it's own post. 

So to conclude i am in love with MUGLER, still can't believe i own Angel & before i die i HAVE to go to a MUGLER fashion show. Omg & to take part in one like you did would just be a dream come true. Totally love in love with it :) I can't stop watching GAGA † MUGLER videos now they are just ahjhajbafbaf no words to describe how amazing they are.

 

OMG GOVERNMENT HOOKER JUST CAME ON SHUFFLE IMMA HAPPY :) 

∇ Amen Fashion †

♥

help.

Dear Lady Gaga, 

Okay i need to do some serious blogging tonight because i feel like utter hell. I have all the Gaga songs on shuffle, just been in the shower now it's time to relax & blog about Gaga. This is one of them moments which however drastic or stupid this may sound that would be unbearable without you :) man that sounds cheesy but it's so true today has been one of the worst days ever not because bad things have been happening because i have just felt so ill & my head has been all over the place & listening to your songs got me through it. & I'm gonna add  again I WANT TO MEET YOU SO BAD!!!! you're amazing.

∇ Amen Fashion †

♥

i was born to be brave.

Dear Lady Gaga,
Well today was eventful my first day back at college in a month. I've been off because of my stupid bulimia & today was my first full day back. It was so scary & i didn't notice how tired i get when i'm walking around before but today i felt so dizzy and faint it was horrible and my stupid chest pains came back. It was a very looooooooooooong day. But we got our new brief today :) we have to make a trailer or a title sequence to a tv series we have to totally come up with the idea ourselves we can't use an existing series and on the way home i was thinking i'm so using a Gaga song. I have so many ideas... There's The Brain interlude, Mugler, Born This Way. I was thinking of basing mine on a fashion video like your You & I videos i think that'll be really cool. I think i've narrowed it down to like either Amen Fashion from the Mugler fashion show or Government Hooker but they are both so good i can't decide... Plus i've gotta come up with a storyline first ;) Anyway i'm home now listening to Born This Way on repeat again, that's one good album ;D

love you mother monster, paws up! 

∇ Amen Fashion †

♥

nightnight :)

Okay nails are painted, hair's washed, outfit planned. That's me off to curl up with my Baby Gaga Unicorn & GAGAXTERRY book listening to Born This Way the perfect way to end the day :D 

∇ Amen Fashion †

♥

don't be, don't be dirty ice cream.

I'm sat here waiting for my nails to dry & listening to Dirty Ice Cream on repeat (ilove that song so much) so i just thought i would post some of my favorite Gaga pictures :) 

Gaga rocking some amazing pairs of glasses. The last picture above is one of my favorite ever Gaga pictures i found it this afternoon & she just looks so flipping stunning it's just one of them pictures that i look at & i'm like wow. She's so freaking beautiful it's untrue :)

∇ Amen Fashion †

♥

i'm on the edge of glory and i'm hanging on a moment with you.

Dear Lady Gaga, 

I'm really struggling with my eating disorder this weekend, it's hell, it's making me so confused and frustrated i honestly don't know what to do. But i'm just listening to The Edge Of Glory and this may sound really strange but i know exactly what the song is saying. This probably sounds stupid but like over the past month my disorder has gotten worse and like at one point doctors were worried about my physical health, especially my heart. I was so scared and listened to The Edge Of Glory a lot because as silly as this sounds i thought i was going to have a heart attack and die, it was so strange i felt and still do feel like i'm living on borrowed time and it has made me even more determined to carry on, try and fight this stupid disorder and do everything i can to meet you. & now Marry The Night is playing omg the best two songs to keep you going. I love you mother monster.

∇ Amen Fashion †

♥

eh eh there's nothing else i can say.

Dear Lady Gaga, 

I was wanted to post pictures of my Gaga collection today, i have it all out on my bed and everything while watching the amazing MONSTER BALL full blast. But i can't find my damn camera & the one on my phone is rubbish so once i find my camera i shall post about my Lady Gaga collection because it's amazing. Also i've had a really crap couple of days & i'm feeling pretty low this week so i'm needing some serious Gaga time to cheer me up! ;) 

Huumm what to post today... 

∇ Amen Fashion †

♥

What a guy.

∇ Amen Fashion †

♥

Poker Face

Dear Lady Gaga,

THANK-YOU FOR MAKING SUCH AN AMAZING VIDEO. This is the first of your videos i saw and from that moment on it was so strange i knew you were my idol. I called my Mum & told her that's my idol, i want to be just like her. I know that sounds really cheesy but it's true. This video is incredible like nothing i have ever seen before. & you look so young in the video it's so cute baby gaga, i love your hair.

∇ Amen Fashion †

♥

GAGAXTERRYRICHARDSON.

This book has to be the most amazing book i have ever owned. Gaga's message at the beginning always makes me smile and whenever i'm feeling down i go and look through this book & stick on some Born This Way and it never fails to make me smile. The pictures in this book are incredible, Terry Richardson is an outstanding photographer. I love how with this book you really do get to see the real Gaga and just how down to earth yet totally unique she is. She's just so cute >.<

So i thought i would post some of my favorite pics from the book :) 

∇ Amen Fashion †

♥